Is This Normal?

When I was a kid (read: in high school…a mere 5 years ago), I was passionately against the consumption of coffee. The distaste for the drink stemmed back all the way to my elementary school days. I remember the moment I knew “I would never become a coffee drinker.” I was sitting in the basement of my Georgia home, watching Oprah. And she did a segment on how when you drink coffee, you pee away your bones – or at least that’s what 9(?)-year-old me got from it. And in that moment I knew, no matter what, I would NEVER drink coffee.

I mean, really, it was quite terrifying. I used to get upset at my Mom for drinking so much coffee. I’d worry about the fact that she was probably going to suffer from osteoporosis, and every cup I saw her drink, I could literally see her bones withering away. This is honestly something that has plagued me since childhood. These are the things I get TERRIFIED about. Is this normal? No probably not. Carry on.

In high school, I got into a great debate with my assistant golf coach (you’re probably thinking, “wow, assistant coach, they must have been pretty good to have an assistant coach!” No. He was a friend of my coach and came out just to play; though it was helpful to have one more person to challenge to a chipping contest for milkshakes – I’m a gambler, what can I say?) over whether or not coffee was ultimately that bad for you. If I remember correctly, I believe the claim to support or refute was whether or not it was worse than smoking. But I am not actually sure, my memory is hazy. I’m pretty sure I won. But I can’t technically claim that, because once again, I don’t exactly remember, you know, hazy and all…Anyhow the key here is, in high school I spent valuable time furthering my hatred for coffee, and holding fast to stern beliefs that I would NEVER become a coffee-drinker.

In college, by some miracle, I held out. I had a few mocha-tastes-a-latta-like-chocolates, don’t get me wrong, but coffee never became my drink of choice. I never used it to get by during all-nighters, I resorted instead to drinking Coke (I lived in Georgia for a time, so you can apply Coke to various soda flavors. Deal with it.) which I had given up drinking four years earlier. I used to get questioned on how I could survive without coffee, and images of toilets filled with bones would flash through my brain and I’d just laugh and say I don’t like it. I don’t like coffee. I won’t drink coffee. I was determined to stay an anti-coffee drinker. And I would watch in terror as my friends consumed cup after cup, thinking they were all going to develop premature bone problems.

And then, something happened. I joined the real world. And I don’t know what did it, but now, I’m a coffee drinker. On the weekdays. I’m not even a fully functioning human being before I get to the office and get through my first cup of coffee. You might as well not speak to me, because I either won’t respond, or I won’t respond pleasantly. Something snapped, and I’m not sure if I should be relieved that I’ve been eased of this crippling fear, or terrified.